Dear Abigale

Seeking an opinion? Click the link above to send in anonymous confessions, questions, or situations to be featured in my Dear Abigale podcast, now available on Spotify!

10/10/20 Dear Abigale: Episode 4 “Living in a Man’s World (ft. Gracie Staats)”

TW: This episode contains conversation regarding sexual harassment and sexual assault. 

Follow along Abigale and her older sister, Gracie, as they explore the concepts of sexual harassment and sexual assault. It’s time to reduce the stigma, raise awareness, and normalize the conversation. 

10/03/20 Dear Abigale: Episode 3 “Can You Tell We Are Cancers? (ft. Lauren Kruger)”

This week, Abigale is joined by her long-time friend, Lauren. Follow along as they discuss the concepts of religion, nostalgia, childhood, and solitude. If you are feeling sexy, take a shot every time they say, “like”. 

@laurenkrugerr on IG 

9/27/20 Dear Abigale: Episode 2 “Maybe I Can Paint Over That”

Follow along as Abigale explores embarrassment, remaining open, frustration, and catfishing—for the first time of possibly many. Stay tuned for an elaboration of this week’s poetry collection, Resplendence, Alas. 

9/20/2020 Dear Abigale: Episode 1 “Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain”

The pilot?? episode of Dear Abigale. Follow along to explore the concepts of aging and dying, as well as the possibility of loving two people simultaneously. Take it seriously, or don’t. After all, life is just trial and error, baby.

09/06/2020

Dear anonymous,

Thank you for the question!

I do think finding forgiveness in a parental figure is possible. Although, it is not the easiest thing to do, personally speaking.

I think that a child who was mistreated by a parent is wounded in a deeply, specific way. Our parents are the first people we become familiar with. Our foundations are directly shaped by them. They are beings we put love, trust, and expectation into. When necessities are mishandled, especially at young age, it is almost inevitable to develop a negative outlook.

I saw a tweet fairly recently, which said something along the lines of, “How old were you when you realized that parents are more than parental entities—with thoughts, feelings, plans, dreams, and short-comings?” That question alone changed the way I process a lot of my past.

We are taught from a young age that parents are to provide us with unconditional love. When it is seemingly tainted, it is difficult for a child to recover their complete admiration towards a parent. I can assume that the concept is impossible to fully grasp until we have children of our own.

Consider Jeffrey Dahmer’s infamous case. He committed several, heinous crimes. Many people who formerly associated with a person as such became utterly repulsed and stricken with hatred. Jeffrey’s father, Lionel Dahmer, was still able to find acceptance in his son. He never defended him, nor did he attempt to excuse any of his behavior. He did not ask the judge for leniency, as he knew his son deserved to be punished. That being said, he began to analyze where he himself went wrong. He questioned his own upbringing, as well as things he could have done differently while raising Jeffrey. There was a lot of regret surrounding him, as he misplaced the blame onto himself. Nonetheless, he continued to visit Jeffrey regularly. According to an interviewer, each meeting began with a hug. Jeffrey was still his son, after all.

It is said that unrequited love is the dynamic between a child and a parent. Children are not meant to love their creators in the self-gift kind of way. This is not to say children do not love their parents fiercely—of course they do. However, I believe that if a parent expects their child to reciprocate in that manner, they are not parenting correctly. Instead, one should raise their child to pay the love they receive forward.

Regarding overcoming the trauma, I believe a change of perspective is in order. Everybody makes mistakes. We hear that statement all of our lives. The thing is, every cliché is true.

Consider the trauma you gained throughout formative experiences. It shaped your outlook, which shapes your actions. Now, remember that your parents were once young, too. They also did not have as great of an access to healing resources as we do in today’s age.

Try to keep in mind that your parent’s lack of suitable support had nothing to do with who you are.

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can govern how you react and move forward. You are responsible for your own healing. After all, no one is going to do it for you.

With hope,

Abigale

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