The Jack of All Spin: A Collection of Poetry


genesis

decadence emerged as the cloud of your puff meshed with the street light.

i can still feel the glitter in my chest pressed to yours after the fight.

skipping through isles, interlaced fingers negated the scolds.

how were we to know at seventeen years old?

i would have died for you in a heartbeat. back then, i did not understand.

new facets were discovered with each sleight of your hand.


les autres filles

“too much” for you—

seemingly, never enough.

although I ace your tests,

you fail me just for fun.

.

you hoped not to hurt me,

yet chained me longer than them.

played me into a broken record,

pas comme les autres filles.


hues

we painted the town in shades of red and blue, never quite colliding enough to become a violet hue.


the obstacle of you

i am a bird,

perched in a cage

with the door wide open.

you stand proudly in the way.

.

i see you in corners and

flashing in the shadows.

you occupy sections

that have no business with you.

.

your voice is echoed in others—

the most haunting

and familiar symphony.

i cannot find the volume.

.

your name is spoken everywhere;

you are the talk of the town.

our moments vibrate off of the streets.

they are the theme of every sunset.

.

the universe brings you to my path

as my castle is crumbling.

there is no stopping that cosmic writer.

trust me, I have tried.

.

i am begging to be free,

to embrace the sun again.

i long for equilibrium.

you stand proudly in the way.


achilles heel

what is it like?

to be loved this much, yet you did not ask for it.

to be seen and heard in this way, although you do not need it.

neither of us do. we cannot change our positions.

there is regard for each other even among the distance.

one cares too much—the other, not enough.

we are playing the game of unrequited love.

this heart on my cheek, you allow it to crack.

you patiently wait for me to call you back.

you are aware of the spell.

revealed as a curse, you leave me to dwell.

“i love you!” i scream. i will not hear an echo.

you admire the drowning, and act like you don’t know.

you report that it hurts, though it secretly fuels you.

i know that it does, but i still choose you.

i see what you’re doing, and i know what you’ve done.

do you even know yourself?

don’t you see what you’ve become?

you’re not self-observant—it’s your Achilles heel.

it’s bound to catch you soon; there is much to reveal.


deadline

i cannot be what you require,

so i decided i’ll be leaving.

i’ll take some time after the release,

and you’ll be fine by the weekend.


the better trouble

it was harder to love than it was to leave you.

an organic decision—I never needed you.

after everything you put me through,

a step backwards is a step I refuse.


spring

there were countless times that Spring

i wistfully laid in my backyard.

i made wishes on dandelions

and plucked a plethora of petals.

.

aching on the soft ground,

i prayed for the return of the sun

drenched in April showers,

ferociously gripping false hope.


paradox

the classic paradox of being the one who left, as well as the one who cannot forget.


i am over you

i am over you.

although, when i am playing tennis on a cloudy afternoon,

i swear your car drives circles around the lot.

i am over you.

although, as the wind blows on an october evening,

i can hear my name roll off of your tongue.

i am over you.

although, after someone cracks a funny joke,

i make mental note that you’d have laughed.

i am over you.

although, while i people-watch from the passenger side,

i spot your brooding disposition on the sidewalk.

i am over you.

although, when you star in a dream,

waking up feels like losing you all over again.


carried by the tide

red-tipped noses,

 beanies, and coats.

hands inside of pockets.

the one you love the most

is sitting right beside you,

though unable to touch.

a prohibition of feelings:

pain, longing, and such.

.

you ride quietly together,

listening to some ‘90s tune.

you seek thoughts you’d die to hear,

though won’t be anytime soon.

you wonder what he’s thinking.

are you dancing in his mind?

no matter who it is,

you know she dances blind.

.

a few more chilly evenings pass;

it gets harder to bare.

the nights you spent together,

in the morning, are no longer there.

so, the days continue on;

the cycle rebegins.

you start to finally see

who matters in the end.

.

you grow tired of the affliction

and find you need respect.

questions arise towards what you know—

or what you thought you did.

everyone begs you to leave.

why can’t you just give in?

 maybe, you’d be better off as strangers

than you ever were as “friends”.

.

one cold, january night,

he calls you to his side.

something tells you to resist;

the naïve girl is ready to die.

you remind him that you love him

more than he may ever know,

but you have to retreat.

this is a winter far too cold.

.

the weeks go by so slowly.

still, you carry on

watching each other from a distance.

quickly, he moves on.

you are finding yourself again

and like who you have become.

although you are still saddened,

you know that you have won.

.

nine months later, he is about to leave.

He has bigger things in store.

winter is coming soon again.

you realize what this started for.

in six short days, he’ll be gone—

carried by the tide.

you are fond of the memories;

it was one hell of a ride.

.

it’s time to set him free now.

he has to dance alone.

the past you share is lost in space.

look, how much you’ve grown!

he will occupy a special place,

a corner of your heart.

much like the seasons turn to go,

from your mind, he too will part.


cold water  

we were there together

in beautiful, cold water.

enveloping my electric-ridden body,

i wanted to keep you a while longer.

.

a smile so captivating,

the type to cause an ache in my chest.

those dimples are your tell,

causing me to forget the rest.

.

even dreaming, I was aware of

the depth I loved you once.

yet, there was always something missing;

you were never the one.

.

alike to the changing seasons,

you could not remain with me.

there was nothing left for us —

I had to set you free.

.

i know true love is out there,

dormant, in the sea.

one day, you will find it,

as it is also awaiting me.

.

i find it almost comforting

that we are united in something.

whether dancing in a dream,

or in a distant memory.


illusion of a man

this is not the bereavement of you,

but rather, the illusion of a man.

a magnetic field you painted yourself,

a force the empathetic cannot dismiss.

.

wearing camouflage, draped in my colors.

a love formed from false ideation.

gazing at you was a look in my reflection.

we each were the subjects identically.

.

gradually, your tricks grew transparent.

i learned things I did not wish to perceive.

surrendering the war with hesitance,

you shackled me before I met the door.

.

that is the nature of a narcissist:

facades divulge when freedom is pursued.

you shove me under water once more

to soothe your own desire to breathe.

.

the cycle will soon recommence,

taking an ignorant, open-hearted victim.

a blue flame, dwindled to jet red.

i will observe the wreckage from the shore.


lost in translation

i insisted that i was without fault.

you should know, i’ve changed my mind.

as the initial shock polarized,

i have come to recognize

that we were lost in translation.

it takes two to play.

with every inch of distance,

there is no one to blame.


before and after

it took a couple of years to water down my environment.

grief and confusion slowly turned to resentment.

then, like the first light of dawn, i could finally uncover

the truth: we were only ever mirroring each other.

.

your emergence marks the before and after.

knowing what i do now, there is no way

that i would rather have done it.

for now, i transcended the chrysalis.

.

i tried for forgiveness, but i didn’t know where to begin.

what do I call it? we were never even friends.

if you think i ever wanted estrangement, you are plain wrong.

you would never hear me out, so just listen to this song.

you cut the dancer out of my music box,

shut the doors and changed the locks.

still, my melody plays on.

i repaired it all alone.

with time, i have been shown

it is darkest before the dawn.

.

you set fire to my garden,

yet refused to grant me pardon.

still, I forgive you for the way you had to deal.

.

if all was misinterpreted,

i wish you ever the best,

and know, what i felt for you was real.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

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